Chicks Dig Scars

This chick included!

I used to think that this phrase only applied to the scars that boys get during their crazy boy-type adventures, or that it was said to my brother Josh over and over again to help him feel better about the scars he acquired during his battle with cancer.

But I learn new things every day. And I've been learning more and more these past few weeks. Some things about Ben, more things about Evelyn, quite a bit about what it takes to be a mom, but I'm learning the most about myself.

I'm learning about my potential as a person, and what I can accomplish before reaching my limit (which is a lot, actually). I'm learning that I'm not as patient as I thought I was, and I'm working on upping my patience level. I'm learning just how much love I'm capable of having in my heart and also how easy it is to give my love to someone I barely know.

And I'm learning about the miracles that this temporal body of mine can accomplish.

And this is where I learned I was wrong about what the phrase "chicks dig scars" means to me.

Before Evelyn was born, even before I got pregnant, I would tell myself that I loved my body. But I knew deep down that I was lying to myself. I told myself and others that I didnt care about my weight, just that I wanted to exercise to be healthy. But that wasnt the truth. I wanted to have the body that I had during my high school track running days. Skinny and 110 lbs. I didnt hate my body, but I didnt love it either.

And when the time came that Ben and I started talking about having a baby, I said that I wanted to get in shape first, for the reason of being healthy and being able to provide a good environment for our baby. But the truth was that I hoped that if I was in impeccable shape before I got pregnant then the baby weight would literally melt off when the little one was born.

Now I realize how foolish I had been.

Getting pregnant and giving birth to the most perfect baby on the face of the planet (yes, I am a little biased..) has put things in perspective for me. I've learned.

My body has been scarred from the ordeal it's been through these past nine months. Just a few days after we brought Evelyn home from the hospital, while getting ready to take her to a checkup, I put on a pair of my maternity jeans with the stretchy waistband. Once I was dressed, I said to Ben with excitement, "These pants make it look like I didnt even have a baby!" But as soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted them. Right there in my bedroom, looking in the mirror, I realized how backwards my view and expectations of my body were.  I realized that I didnt want to look like I didn't just have baby. Because I did just have a baby, and I couldnt be more proud of what my body has done. It has grown a human body for one of our Heavenly Father's children, a temporal home for a precious spirit. My body has accomplished the most grueling task it was designed for. I have begun to fulfill my purpose on this earth by becoming a mother, and I love what my body has done for our family.

So yes, I have a "mommy tummy." Yes, I have deep, purple stretch marks all over my thighs and torso.

Yes, I am scarred.

But this chick digs her scars.